Kezzi hadn't been at the South Lawn Cemetary since September 7th, 2017. The trees overhead swayed in the light breeze that made the sun on her skin almost bearable. She was still dressed from her time at McKibbon Auto, looking more like the girl she'd been when her father had died. He'd always shaken his head when she wore more revealing clothing, but they they had always been able to concede that she was fighting a losing battle. Both girls had been blessed by their well-endowed mother.

Worn Converse sneakers echoed faintly on the concrete and wide aviators sheilded Kezzi's eyes. Even though she hadn't been at the grave since the day of his funeral, her feet seemed to know just where to take her. The perfect spot that Abby Davis had agonized over for three hours, before her daughter had swooped in to start making decisions. Kezzi was the reason her father had been buried in a dark pine box, with the club's insignia professionally burned into the wood.

"Hi Daddy." She said then sighed and sank onto her heels. There were a few mourners nearby, but no one gave the tattooed brunette a second glance. She reached up to unconsciously touch the name hidden in the color lines of her full sleeved tattoo. No one had been around when she'd picked up her tattoo gun and changed some lines inside her elbow to honor her father.

"I'm so confused." Her voice broke as she spoke and, a second later, her ass hit the soft grass underneath her feet. Tears dewed against her lower lids, but she pushed them away quickly. She'd always been close to her father, but Mak had been closer. While Mak went off to the garage with their dad, Kezzi had either stayed behind with their mom, or struck out on her own. But, just because Mak had been the favorite, Holden had never shied away from his second daughter. He'd had a strong bond with each of his children, but Kezzi had struggled the most visibly with his passing.

"I'm sorry for not coming to visit sooner. I...I've been struggling, Daddy." She sighed again then looked away from the headstone, up toward the sky. She'd had no idea what she would say or do when she got to her father's grave, but now, the words were just spilling past her lips in a rough whisper. "I've been sleeping with Milo, Daddy. Remember him? I know that you'd probably kill me for climbing into bed with a patch, but you know I have history with him. He knows that you probably want to kill him for coming after me. But...I think it needed to happen." A distant sort of tone overcame her voice as her mind raced ahead. Everything clicked into place as she spoke. All of the demons she had been running from since September crashed back into her and, for a minute, she was breathless.

"I didn't want to get hurt. I think that's why I've always been the way that I am. I've seen what losing the person you love does to you and, in this life, it can't be avoided. I know that you tried so hard to keep us sheltered from the club's seedier moments, but we still saw things. I saw you come home bloody, with tears in your eyes. I've heard Momma crying, because you're facing possible jail time. I never wanted that." More tears flowed then and she had to take a minute to rest her folded arms.

She sighed then straighened up, wiping at her face carefully before they landed back on her father's headstone. "I really care about him, Daddy. But I think I have to take what he's saying to heart. You always told me that I can't change a man. I can't make another person do what I want them to do. And, really, I just want him to be happy. I want to be happy! Mak is Alex's old lady now and a big part of me wants the committment that they have to each other. I want someone who wants to put me first, and I don't know if that's what he wants too. He says one thing, then does another. I'm so confused, but for the first time in a long time...I feel awake. I can finally breathe again and see things differently. I shut down when you died and I thought it would be better. But I'm missing out on so much and...I don't want to miss anything anymore. I don't want to be afraid of stuff just because I'm afraid of losing more people."

A dry laugh passed Kezzi's lips before she turned and shifted to lean against the stone bearing her father's name. "Okay, enough whining. I swear, I'm okay. I'm gonna be okay. Mak and Momma and the boys will make sure of that. Stop worrying about me, okay? It's just a lot to let go of, losing you. Things that Mak got to experience and I'm...almost being left out of the loop. But I'll find my way," she promised then wiped at her face again, staring now at the foot of his grave. "I'm finding my way, Daddy. I just want you to be proud of me, no matter how badly I'm stumbling right now."

Another long moment passed, more whispered words about her childhood. She stood when her legs started to cramp then leaned over the headstone. "I love you, Daddy. Thanks for hearing me out." With a kiss to the top of the tombstone, she turned and headed to her beloved car.